I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize