My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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