So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
