i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
