So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
