they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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