Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
