I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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