Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
