you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
jump out the window naked night went bad
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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