too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
