Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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