We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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