Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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