I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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