I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
