I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
