Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
His nipple licking is glorious
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