Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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