I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize