You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
