Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
