God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
