She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
