Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
