No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
