She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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