I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
