im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize