rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
