I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
