Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
