i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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