i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize