help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
