i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
