i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize