I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
they're like a gay fantastic four
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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