there's paper in my vomit.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
