i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
