is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize