We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
