physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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