I have demons in me.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
