No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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