I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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