Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
