Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
