one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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