she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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