I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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