I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
