Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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