at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
