we have officially lost it.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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