You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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