can we get nightvision for the apartment?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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