i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
