Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
