How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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