I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
