I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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