I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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