My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
