Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
