I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
