oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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