It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
